So…it’s Christmas!

I thougt I’d share some quotes from How the Grinch Stole Christmas!, based off of Dr. Seuss’s short story/poem/picture book.

The Grinch: All right, you’re a reindeer [talking to his dog Max]. Here’s your motivation: Your name is Rudolph, you’re a freak with a red nose, and no one likes you. Then, one day, Santa picks you and you save Christmas. No, forget that part. We’ll improvise… just keep it kind of loosey-goosey. You HATE Christmas! You’re gonna steal it. Saving Christmas is a lousy ending, way too commercial. ACTION!

[Max knocks the red nose off]

The Grinch: BRILLIANT! You reject your own nose because it represents the glitter of commercialism. Why didn’t I think of that? Cut, print, check the gate, moving on.

—————

The Grinch: The nerve of those Whos. Inviting me down there – on such short notice! Even if I wanted to go my schedule wouldn’t allow it. 4:00, wallow in self pity; 4:30, stare into the abyss; 5:00, solve world hunger, tell no one; 5:30, jazzercize; 6:30, dinner with me – I can’t cancel that again; 7:00, wrestle with my self-loathing… I’m booked. Of course, if I bump the loathing to 9, I could still be done in time to lay in bed, stare at the ceiling and slip slowly into madness. But what would I wear?

—————

The Grinch: What’s that stench? It’s fantastic.

—————

The Grinch: It’s because I’m green isn’t it?

—————

Lou Lou Who: I’m glad he took our presents. You can’t hurt Christmas, Mr. Mayor, beacuse it isn’t about the… the gifts or the contest or the fancy lights. That’s what Cindy’s been trying to tell everyone… and me. I don’t need anything more for Christmas than this right here: my family.

————–

The Grinch: MAX. HELP ME… I’m FEELING.

————–

The Grinch: Any calls?

Grinch’s Answering Machine: [computer voice] You have no messages.

The Grinch: Odd. Better check the outgoing.

Grinch’s Answering Machine: [Grinch’s voice] If you utter so much as one syllable, I’LL HUNT YOU DOWN AND GUT YOU LIKE A FISH! If you’d like to fax me, press the star key.

The Grinch: Hmm. Hmm.

————–

The Grinch: One man’s toxic sludge is another man’s potpourri.

[Max barks]

The Grinch: I don’t know, it’s some kind of soup.

————–

Cindy Lou Who: Thanks for saving me.

The Grinch: [stops in his tracks] Saving you, is that what you think I was doing? Wrongo. I just noticed that you were improperly packaged, my dear.

[grabs wrapping paper and starts wrapping Cindy up]

The Grinch: Hold still.

[to Max]

The Grinch: Max, pick out a bow.

[to Cindy]

The Grinch: Can I use your finger for a sec?

————–

The Grinch: I am the Grinch that stole Christmas… and I’m sorry.

[long silence]

The Grinch: Aren’t you going to cuff me? Put me in a choke hole? Blind me with pepper spray?

Mayor Augustus Maywho: You heard him, Officer. He admitted it. I’d go with the pepper spray.

Officer Wholihan: Yes, I heard him all right. He said he was sorry.

————–

Martha May Whovier: Did I have a crush on the Grinch? Of COURSE not.

Cindy Lou Who: Uh… I didn’t ask you that.

————–

The Grinch: It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes, or bags.

Narrator: The the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before.

The Grinch: Maybe Christmas doesn’t come from a store. Maybe Christmas…

Narrator: He thought

The Grinch: …means a little bit more.

————–

The Grinch: [messing with peoples mail] Jury duty, jury duty, jury duty, black mail, pink slip, chain letter, eviction notice, jury duty.

————–

The Grinch: Who wants the gizzard?

Drew Lou Who: I do.

The Grinch: Too late. That’ll be mine.

————-

Mayor Augustus Maywho: And if you marry me, you get this new car, which has been generously paid for by the taxpayers of Whoville.

————-

The Grinch: Well, pucker up and kiss it, Whoville.

[puts mistletoe up to his butt and makes a taunting noise as he shakes it around]

————-

The Grinch: Am I just eating because I’m bored?

————-

The Grinch: [singing] Be it ever so heinous, there’s no place like home.

————-

Cindy Lou Who: Santa, what’s the meaning of Christmas?

The Grinch: [bursts through the Christmas tree] VENGEANCE!

The Grinch: [calmly] Er, I mean… presents, I suppose

————-

Cindy Lou Who: Santa?

The Grinch: WHAT?

Cindy Lou Who: Don’t forget the Grinch. I know he’s mean and hairy and smelly. His hands might be cold and clammy, but I think he’s actually kinda… sweet.

The Grinch: SWEET? You think he’s sweet?

Cindy Lou Who: [nods] Merry Christmas, Santa.

[goes upstairs]

The Grinch: Nice kid… baaad judge of character.

————-

The Grinch: Those Whos are hard to frazzle, Max. But, we did our worst, and that’s all that matters.

————-

[Lastly:]

The Grinch: It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes, or bags.

Narrator: The the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before.

The Grinch: Maybe Christmas doesn’t come from a store. Maybe Christmas…

Narrator: He thought

The Grinch: …means a little bit more.

I found those all relevant and rather fantastic.

Indeed, too, some were bombastic.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0170016/quotes

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